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Decision making for dummies
Indecisiveness is stressful, period. There’s possibly no greater amount of resistance than being pulled in between several possible decisions, and therefore several possible futures. As we live a little, we learn by experience that a wrong decision or even perhaps not the best one can cost us a lot of time, money, grief or suffering. That’s why you’ll never see a small child weighing the options or creating lists of pros and cons. They don’t think of the possible outcomes and repercussions of a decision made in this chess game of life. However, they’re still in tune with what they want, in this red hot moment.
For the rest of us, we’ve most likely spent too much time listening to what other people want for us, what we ‘should’ be doing, and spending too much time in the future (which does not yet exist) to really be in touch with what we want. If you don’t know what you want, how can you make a decision?
Life will always provide us with choices where we have to make decisions. Minor choices are being presented to us each moment of the day; what to wear, what to eat, to drink a glass of water or another cup of coffee. Bigger choices are always on our plates as well; how much longer can I stay in this job, relationship, with this Internet service provider etc., some life changing, some not so much. The most interesting thing about it is probably the ones we think are insignificant could turn out to be life changing and vice versa. Point being, choices and their subsequent decisions are here to stay, a part of life as breathing so we might as well learn how to make the best possible decisions with the least amount of stress, right?
Here it is. Do whatever is easiest, the one that releases the resistance the quickest, the most obvious, the path of least resistance, call it what you will, slack, get lazy, don’t think too much (especially not about the future), become child-like, be gentle on yourself. Remember, indecision is resistance which causes stress which is a killer. Listen to your gut, act. The less time you spend in indecision the easier the right decision will be there for the taking.
Want some examples?
I remember standing at the top of a 150 foot tower with my feet bound together and my heart racing. The instructions went like this, “We’re going to count down from 3 to 1, then you are going to jump. Trust me, its a lot easier if you do it the first time we count down.” I’m terrified of heights and still am not really sure how I ended up in that position but when I heard the countdown, 3-2-1, there was no thinking, no fear, for just that moment, no indecision. I had been programmed to jump at one and it sure seemed like the easiest way out of there and in the subsequent years, it remains a vivid reminder if I ever feel stuck and need to forward.
It was just this morning however that I was giving thanks to the universe and it’s wisdom, my higher being and it’s guidance when I got a little tripped up. I thought that if the greater part of who I am in conjunction with the entire universe are looking out for my well being, how is it that I stayed in unhealthy relationships many times in my past. Then I realized that there had been every sign, everything was a struggle, a challenge, not easy, not natural and that these were my gifts. The hardships were not obstacles to overcome but rather clear-as-day SIGNS that I was moving in the wrong direction, signs that I should jump ship and play around in the water
a bit. And then everything became clear, the hard times are like red lights and closed doors, clearly signaling you stop then go away. I took this hindsight into consideration when I was in the midst of making what I thought was an important decision this week. I chose to give up the struggle of indecision and just go with the easiest and most obvious choice, just for this week. I can’t wait to report how it turns out!
Slow and steady
Standing at the foot of the mountain I was about to climb was overwhelming, it wasn’t the biggest mountain, nor the steepest mountain but the small pyramid perched on the top seemed pretty damn far away. I entered the cool forest in the midst of a hot and sunny afternoon by myself and as soon as I stepped among the trees, I lost sight of my goal. There were no people in front of me nor behind me, everything went silent. I didn’t look ahead to see where the path would lead me because I knew where it went, I didn’t need reassurance. I clasped my hands behind my back, moved my feet as slowly as I could and found a steady rhythm for my breath. I kept my eyes focused on the next step and at my turtles pace could take the time to look around and smile. Then I noticed something peculiar, I began to pass others that were resting on the path. I wondered how far ahead of me they had been. They were covered in a sweaty sheen and seemed exhausted. I thought I must be taking an easier path, my journey seemed easy. So I continued up the mountain and soon the exhausted crowd caught up and passed me. I kept my snails pace. Then I passed them again. Eventually I passed them again and when I finally reached the top, I asked for the time and I realized that I had arrived close to ten minutes sooner than the estimated time posted on a sign below. At the top, I took my time to take some photos and meditate. On the summit I realized I had lost the tranquility of the journey. From the open field on the summit of the mountain I was once again in contact with the noise of the traffic below, and being separated from it, it seemed much louder, much more vulgar than before. As I began my descent, the sweaty and exhausted sprinters were making their way to the summit. I wasn’t in any hurry nor competition but somehow I had won the race.
I had quickly come to relate the journey to how I live my life. More often than not, I begin a journey or set out to achieve a goal with full force and a ton of inspiration. I give up all my energy and soon become exhausted so that I need to take a break. While I rest, I lose sight of my goal and the fact that I am closer to achieving it than before. And I give up. Sometimes I go back to the place I started, ticking yet another adventure off the list but often I stay in the place I have journeyed to, forgetting I was ever on a journey. The merit being that I am closer to where I wanted to be but having lost sight of the goal, it just ends up being a new and sometimes uncomfortable place to live. I’ve decided to try a new way of doing things, I’ve decided to take things one step at a time, to the next logical step then to the next logical step. The achievement of one’s goals has little or nothing to do with distance nor time but rather with pointing yourself in the right direction (the direction in which your dreams lie) and continually moving forward. On the way down I passed a rock with the inscription, ‘The result depends on the beginning’. Setting out in the direction with the right attitude and armed with the proper tools, success is inevitable.
Lose weight effortlessly
How I was able to lose weight effortlessly
I had a history of ‘feeling’ big, feeling fat with little to no basis in reality. I also had a history of monitoring everything I ate. It became an obsession from vegetarian to vegan to raw and back. I’ve tried it all and through it all I knew that accepting my body was not as simple as eating the ‘right’ foods and watching perfection unfold. I was never an obsessive eater nor overeater. Sure, I could have exercised more but couldn’t we all? I studied nutrition at the Institute of Integrative Nutrition in New York just after the fall of the Twin Towers. The course was like a comparative religion course but, of course in nutrition. This was the beginning of the end. I realized that all my so-called healthy eating habits were nothing more than an obsession and no obsession is a good obsession. I realized my righteous ways were a disguise for hard-core judgement. Judgement about myself, my body, others and their ways, about food, politics, the world and all of creation. I was trying to micro-manage in a true control-freakish way natural intuitive nutrition. I quickly learned that food is only a small part of nutrition and that what feeds us most is what was dubbed ‘primary food’, that which feeds our souls. The serious food rebellion ensued and I ate whatever I wanted to or whatever was presented to me knowing that it was so much less important than how I felt about it. I maintained a healthy weight and a more healthy than ever outlook on life.
Then something changed. Just as life was flowing smoothly and I was lined up with my dreams, I let one of those dreams, that which I thought was my life’s purpose get away. I felt hopeless, dream-less and sad. I fell into a relationship out of loneliness which went sour and as the bad feelings grew, so did I. So I began to micro-manage what I ate (though I knew it wasn’t food that got me in that situation in the first place, if only it were so easy!) and joined a gym. I did cleanses and bought a new pus sized wardrobe and the pounds kept piling on. I was doing everything ‘right’ but the situation kept getting worse.
The relationship ended and I literally gave up, I think I quit my job at the time too. And then the miracles began. I was shrinking. I had quit the gym but I began to dance more, just because it was fun. I gave up micro managing my food intake and focused on joy. I shrank and found new muscles, I danced and I bought new clothes. I got super fit and no longer even wanted to wear clothes (hence the picture). How did it happen. Release resistance (stop trying) and get happy. What would you be doing to get in that happy place if you traded the time you spent trying to fix yourself for happy time?
I’d be salsa dancing on a beach.
If you want to know your vibration, ask a cat
If you want to know your vibration, ask a cat. Everything I ever wanted to know, I learned from my cats so I’ve been paying attention to and looking for the answer to my life’s questions in my two perpetually snoozing cats.
Sometimes I think they are aliens but most of the time, I see them as Zen masters. With an approximate 22 hours of sleep a day, it’s hard to imagine that they can change my world and present me with invaluable information for my life but they do, time and time again. I just returned from the most relaxing vacation ever (which I have dubbed ‘Eat, Sleep, Read’) and being chilled out to the max and unspeakably jet-lagged, I returned to two more-loving-than-ever cats. They took every opportunity to climb on top of me and instantly began to purr. They followed me into the bathroom, curled around my legs wherever I walked, rubbed their cute little cat faces against mine while I was catching up on emails, sat on the book I was reading and threw themselves on me every time I sat down.
I was wondering what had happened, who had replaced my sweet but aloof cats with ultra-cuddly ones? I hadn’t just left them alone for three weeks, I had a wonderful cat-loving friend hang out with them in my absence, maybe she had transformed them??? I soon realized they weren’t acting in response to some long-forgotten occurrence (like yesterday), they were reacting to me, now. I tired to remember how they were before. I pictured them lying together on ‘their’ rocking chair or on the sofa, far preferring the company of each other to that of anyone else. I remember how when our neighbour’s three and six year old kids would come to visit the kitties, the cats would disappear from their fixed spot, not to be found. I remembered how it was at those times when I was exhausted and would flop on the couch that they approached me for company. I remembered how the little kitten would always come and stretch on my yoga mat with me. I remembered how without fail, in the middle of the night when all was still, they would nest in a warm place in the bed, and when I had a sore muscle or a cold, they would find their way to the affected area and cast their magic purring spell (also known as their healing vibration) on me. I also remembered the times I was feeling frustrated, stressed or anxiety ridden and I would pull one or another purring creature to me in hopes to soothe my vibe, how quickly they ran. I recalled my desperate and pathetic attempts to soothe my vibration by trying to hang out in the cat’s vibration and remembered how they would have none of it.
When I realized how clearly they showed me what moods and feelings I was vibrating, I thought they might have a little more wisdom for me so I paid attention. I asked them about the meaning of life and they showed me. Even with sleeping through well over 3/4 of their lives and ceasing to hunt except when absolutely necessary, they still held the power to change the world. Anybody who can bring infinite joy and love to my life and home definitely has a thing or two to teach.
I observed a typical day in the lives of my cats and here’s what I learned about the purpose of life:
Get lots of rest – Sleeping is kind of like dying and being reborn again. The advantage to sleeping as opposed to actual dying, is you get to keep your current projects going, keep familiar friendly faces and support networks in your life, you consciously get to build on the knowledge and wisdom you have already attained. Plus, you don’t have to repeat being a moody, acne-ridden teenager again. Sleeping is a great way to press the ‘re-set’ button on life. It’s the perfect opportunity to forget about things that are better left in the past, and enter into new focus on the things you want to keep in your life.
Stretch – A cat never wakes to a shock (alarm clock) and jumps out of their resting spot to begin the day. It is important to stretch, upon awakening, throughout the day and before resting.
Play – Chasing your own tail is not preferable and can often be humiliating. Chase things that move, things that glitter or have light are more fun. Find another being of your own species to run around and play with. If no one of your own species is available, no matter, choose someone else who is willing to play with you and have some fun without paying attention to schedules or checking your Catberry or Catbook.
Eat Regular Meals – Our furry friend knows when it’s meal time but our furry friend also knows when he’s had enough to eat. Unlike our dog or people friends, our cat friends know when to leave their dish and come back for more later, if they feel like it. Also, if there is no food around, they just shrug it off and go nap some more. No big deal. They don’t think about food, go on diets, overeat or read books on it. If you give a cat the choice between something nutritious that’s meant for their bodies and a non-nutritious choice, guess which one they’ll pick. Man, how did they KNOW that!
Take Care of Yourself – Always look your best, keep clean and neat and bury your s*#t. Nuff said.
Be love – Now you must understand, the cat does not make a profession of spreading love. The cat doesn’t say to himself, ‘it’s time to spread some love’. Rather, the cat simply exudes his true nature. The true nature of the cat is something closer to BEING love. Be love. The cat emits the love vibe at all times even (especially) while sleeping or hunting (mmmmm, meat beast. I love fresh meat, it’s how I love and take care of myself best). Occasionally, the cat is deliberate about spreading love, it’s called purring. Sometimes the cat friend will target a spot in special need of healing, get comfy and emit the healing vibrational sound of the purr.
Only pay attention to how something feels – I used to think that the cat knew my tone of voice, that the cutesy baby-talk voice I use when petting my kitties (oh awnt you da cudest kiddy in de wuwrld?) signaled to them that I was in the connecting and bonding mood while when I rose my voice to tell the cat to stop whatever he is doing that he knew this way that he was in trouble. Until I got a deaf cat. When he’s doing something naughty and turns around to see me looking at him, he bolts! The one who can hear also reads the angry vibe loud and clear and knows when I’ve just barely entered the room that he is in trouble-vibe. The cat friend mostly communicates to us using the universal language of vibration and responds best to it as well. I recommend the same for us human folk. Words can lie, be confusing and ultimately misunderstood.
Follow the lead of the cat, pay most attention to the vibrations of feelings that you are emitting and that you are picking up as you move around this world. When you are in a place or situation that doesn’t feel good, leave it. Find others of your own species, they will be able to match your energetic level best and are the most fun to play with. Remember, the foundation to a good life is ‘Eat, Sleep, Love’. Every thing else is bonus.
The Naysayers – Negative People Raining on Your Parade
It’s hard to keep your light shining when the naysayers keep trying to rain on your parade but after all, if they are part of your reality, they are part of your vibrational make up. I am generally a person who witnesses miracles big and small every day, one who experiences the kindness of strangers and gets pretty much every thing I want…eventually. This is my ‘reality’ because this is what I vibrate. I spend every single drop of mental, physical and emotional energy seeking and experience the marvelous. For this reason, I found it extraordinarily shocking to end up in the company of a group of naysayers, people who are generally negative (though they use the word ‘realistic’) and make their life’s decisions based on fear. I suppose this may be the way many people live their lives, in fact, it might even be the majority but since I’m with Timothy Leary in his assertion that ‘reality’ is the only word in the English language that should always be used in quotes, my ‘reality’ doesn’t include this type of person. Beyond the gut-wrenching sickness that I felt while listening to their fear-and-despair based statements and convictions, the real warning bells were going off due to their presence in my sphere (or my little bubble, if you wish). I kept wondering HOW(????) on earth was I a vibrational match to this? They negated every well-honed belief I had in the beauty and divinity of this universe, scoffed at the concept of a ‘free spirit’ (my very essence), and went on and on about their one-sided version of ‘reality’. While reading a recent post by Life Coach Joy Phillips in ‘Naysayers, are they your everybody?’, my heart sank as I realized for the last few weeks those Naysayers were my everybody! The gift, I realized through reading Joy’s article, was that these folks were my ‘test’ and I passed, with flying colours! Having endured weeks of raining-on-my-views-of-life parade, I’ve come out stronger and more convinced that I am choosing my own ‘reality’, at every step of the way. I suppose I’d had my doubts as demonstrated by their appearance in my world but in the end, I choose my ‘reality’. I love my ‘reality’, the one in which I am a powerful creator where (as Rob Brezsney claims) the universe is conspiring to shower me with blessings! Please remember: if you encounter the naysayers, know that they are reflecting your doubts, silently bless them, then run like hell!
the life you love is in your hands
The two most important days in life… the day you were born and the day you figure out why.
the aspiring waitress
I’m not talking about aspiring to be a waitress, I’m talking about being a waitress aspiring to be something else. Or have you long abandoned those dreams?
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believing is seeing
I’ll believe it when I see it is a more mainstream view of things, and you too can wait your whole life waiting to see something in order to believe it. However, unless you believe it first you will never see it. (more…)
What am I *supposed* to be doing?
In a recent conversation with a friend of mine, I was expressing how delightful my coaching practice had become. How helping others find their purpose in life was in line with my greatest purpose; sharing, teaching, guiding. Then she cried out for help, “Help ME figure out what I’m supposed to be doing!!!” The answer was right in the question. I threw the question back at her. “What do you WANT to be doing?” (more…)
If you stop listening to your heart, your heart stops speaking to you
It was 1998 and I stopped by my parent’s house with a van full of Australian hostellers as we we en route to Toronto for the day. We piled out of the van and into my parent’s house to use the bathroom, pick up some stuff, gather some snacks, check the oil and other random leg stretchers. In the 30 or so minutes that we were there, one kind fellow named Paul had gotten in a conversation with my father. Both of my parents have always been free-spirited adventures and would have seen this random journey with a bunch of strangers as a pretty cool which I suppose sparked the conversation between Paul and my father. I didn’t hear much of what they were saying to one another but a little scrap of paper scrawled with Paul’s handwriting was pinned up to the fridge. I still have it. It said, ‘If you stop listening to your heart, your heart stops speaking to you.’ (more…)
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